“Your child will sense how you feel about them by how you behave toward them.”
The 5 Love Languages of Children, 2012, Gary Chapman & Ross Campbell
I’d like to share my own personal experience with this principle…
I do not have a relationship with my father anymore.
I decided to dissolve that relationship because he made some remarks about my young children (just toddlers at the time) that were inappropriate (understatement of the century) and hurtful. I knew that his negative behavior towards my children would drown out any positive words he could ever say, because that was how my relationship with him was when I was growing up. He would say one thing, but behave in a way that was contradictory. He would smile, but his eyes told his true feelings. He would encourage me and build me up, only to leave poison-pen letters that told me what I failure and disappointment I was.
I did not want that emotional roller coaster for my children. I did not want sugar sweet words to fall on their ears while judgmental darts pierced their backs.
If you’re having a bad day, as we all do, and you find yourself cursing your children under your breath…don’t think that you’ll get away with it…don’t think that it won’t affect your children. Kids are very keen and they are dialed-in to your emotions and demeanor. They have a strong intuition and will understand the subtle (or not) undertones in your words and actions. Whether or not they fully understand the “vibes” they are getting from you is a null issue; they will internalize those feelings and be deeply hurt by your actions and unspoken words.
“But what goes out of the mouth comes from the heart. And that’s what contaminates a person in God’s sight.”
Matthew 15:18, The Bible
If you find yourself cursing you children, remember that sticks and stones don’t hurt nearly as much as unkind words from the person you love the most.
Take control of your words and thoughts.
- Think about the sweet moments with your child.
- Think about his beautiful smile.
- Think about the special times when you get to snuggle and read together.
- Think about how boring life would be without your little miracle.
- Thank God for the blessing of your children.
- Thank God for making them unique (although sometimes trying).
- Thank God for giving you the opportunity to do better than your parents did.
I hope my short story blesses you and inspires you to think well of your children, especially in the most trying of times.